Financial issues often create friction in relationships, especially when one partner believes they have sole claim to a particular sum. Becky found herself in this situation, convinced that the inheritance from her father was hers to use as she pleased, rather than being shared for family needs. Her husband disagreed, pointing out that he had supported her for years. In a shocking twist, his actions left Becky devastated, prompting her to seek our advice.
Here is Becky’s letter:
r:
yes that was always going to cause an argument wih horrible consequences. Fifteen thousand is not much these days, but it could help out your family. If there is something you have wanted tell your husand and discuss situation.. But putting up yours and mine in marriage is dangerous.
Thank you for opening up, Becky! Here are some helpful tips to guide you through this situation.
Set firm boundaries on inheritance.
Since you made it clear to your husband that the $40K was intended for your personal use, it’s important to stand firm on that boundary. Have an open and calm discussion with him, explaining why this money holds significance for you.
Emphasize that the inheritance is a personal gift from your father, meant to support your financial independence or personal well-being.
Focus on his actions, not just the financial dispute.
Your husband’s decision to pack up your belongings and act out of spite indicates deeper issues beyond just the inheritance. His actions suggest control and manipulation, which may point to a lack of respect in your relationship.
It’s important to have an open and serious conversation with him—one that focuses on his behavior rather than just the financial dispute. Ask him why he felt compelled to retaliate in such an extreme way, and share how his actions impacted you emotionally. This discussion could help uncover underlying issues that need to be addressed for the health of your relationship.
Suggest a balanced financial compromise.
If finances are a recurring source of tension, consider proposing a compromise. While the $40K is rightfully yours, you might suggest allocating a small portion—such as 10%—toward a specific family need, like emergency savings or a meaningful household project.
This approach demonstrates your willingness to collaborate without relinquishing control over the majority of your inheritance. It could also help reduce financial strain while ensuring you still honor what your father left for you.
Seek marriage counseling to rebuild trust.
The situation has reached a point where you’ve both stopped communicating, which can further strain your relationship. Since this conflict involves trust, communication, and finances, seeking the help of a marriage counselor could be a constructive step forward.
A neutral third party can help you both express your perspectives and navigate the issue in a healthier way. Counseling could also provide an opportunity to address deeper, long-term concerns—such as his controlling behavior—that may have existed before the inheritance became a point of contention.
Money is valuable, but there are times when we unknowingly squander it in unusual ways. That’s exactly what happened to the people featured in this article.